Alright. You’ve met a girl. She’s smart, funny and she doesn’t judge you for spending more time watching Netflix than she does. She’s got every little thing down that you want in a girl but you don’t know her that well. So say one day, you’re hanging out and getting to know each other and she invites you out to this place called “the barn”. Is it a Country bar? Nope. Is it that old beat up looking building you see driving on country roads? You know… it just might be. You’ll find out soon enough.
You get there. It’s a culture shock. You realize very quickly you’ve made a grand error in wearing your brand new clothes you got from Bootlegger and Air Jordans that YOU DID NOT BUY ON CLEARANCE. You stepped in horse poo and discovered in a conversation with a disgruntled old lady that a “stallion” isn’t a type of expensive horse, it actually just means a horse that hasn’t been castrated…YET. On top of that you’ve created a new category in your closet dubbed “barn clothes” that contains nothing new (except everything you wore the first time you went to the barn).
So now you’re thinking. Can I adapt to the Equestrian life? Yes. Yes you can. Can you make a relationship with an equestrian girl work? Most definetly but you need to understand the roles and responsibilities thrust upon you. Here are some tips from my experience that help with adapting to an equestrian lifestyle.
1. Understanding the lingo
You’re hanging out with her and her horse riding friends and they’re talking horse stuff. You almost immediately start to sweat because you have nothing to contribute to the conversation (except “huh?” and “what’s that?”). Sit down. Shut Up. And pay attention. Don’t use the words “gallop” or “giddeyup” that’s for a different kind of barn. Don’t refer to martingales and reins “ropes.” A halter and a bridle are NOT the same thing. Hacks don’t actually involve hacking anything. The more you know about the things she’s interested in, the more impressed her and her friends will be. You’ll be seen as a keeper in no time.
Patience is a virtue, more so in some cultures than others. In the Equestrian culture, it’s a damn necessity. “Wanna go to the barn and watch me ride?” If you’re thinking this will be a quick trip, you’re wrong. Depending on your geographical location from the barn, you may have to endure a 30mins drive to the barn, possible 10mins just trying to catch the horse, 20mins of brushing and tacking up a horse, 40mins to an hour of actually riding the horse and 20mins again to un-tack the horse and drive 30mins home. Bonus tip, add another 10mins minimum for inevitable small talk you’ll encounter if anyone else is at the barn. Altogether roughly 3 hours as a BEST case scenario. If there is more than 1 horse to be ridden, call in sick, pack a sleeping bag and grab a Tim Horton’s coffee (or two).
3. Vehicle cleanliness
The more I think about it the equestrian lifestyle is probably the reason why I got into car detailing in the first place. My car would get cleaned atleast once a week due to barn related activities. There is a distinct lingering smell of horse riding life that is immediately distinguishable from every other scent on the planet. Now, if you’re like me and you just came fresh out the shower, wearing a brand new Roots sweater that smells like your new Millionaire cologne, you want to stay as fresh as long as possible. Unfortunately, the moment you step foot in your car after being at the barn for what felt like an eternity the night before, the freshness is gone. Keep a care package of cleaning wipes, purrell, and air freshners (vent clips are the best… scentsy is good too) in your trunk for quick and easy cleanup of mud scuffs on your doors, dust and the smells that collect and party in your car when you’re not around. Oh, and DEFINETLY pressure wash your mats whenever you get the chance to.
4. Be a professional photographer
You’re probably thinking…
“Uh.. what? A professional photographer? I’m just a cashier at an Esso gas station.”
Well.. so was I. Don’t worry though. These pictures have more to do with their Instagram page and less with your photography portfolio. You’ll likely get asked to take pictures at some point in your relationship. Try and snag every picture you can with the horses ears forward and not pinned back. Ears forward= happy horse. Happy horse= better picture. y= mx+b. Simple math guys, you got this… unless she brings a professional camera and she wants you to use it. Get on your knees and pray to God you figure out how to use it.
On a side note… I married an equestrian. You can bet our engagement and wedding photos included her fav horse Cheyenne. Part of the family, really.
5. Horse shows.
Set your alarm. Actually set 5. If you say you’re going to a horse show, YOU’RE GOING! This is a big deal for some equestrian girls. Crash early the night before because there’s a good chance you’re waking up before the sun and hitting a Timmies drive thru for an XL 4×4 and a couple bagels. You are the errand boy for the day. Girls need you to hold something? Hold it. They want you to run to the nearest Cafe and grab them some snackage? Do it. These acts of kindness will not go unnoticed even when they’re under the pressure that is a horse show. You’ll score extra points with your girlfriend, her friends and the rest of mankind.
You may think based on all the research and Instagram posts on Equestrians you follow that riding is exclusively a summer sport. To which I say HA! You’re sadly mistaken. Prepare yourself with proper footwear, jackets/sweaters and even your best friend’s scooby doo blanket that was left in the back of your car. Bonus tip, if someone hands you a cooler off their horse, WEAR IT. It might stink and be full of hair but if you’re cold, wearing one of those does the trick. Now, let’s address allergies. I have allergies to horses AND hay so believe me when I say that it sucks but you know what we gotta do gentlemen? MAN UP. Take a reactine, build that immunity and show your girl you love her and what she does EVEN if it can potentially close your lungs and cause you’re untimely demise… 🙂
7. Tack Shop Etiquette
You walk into a tack shop, the smell of fresh leather slaps you in the face. You begin to realize the song thrift shop begin play through your head as you skim over the price tags. Don’t question what your girl buys. She buys a pair of socks that look like your grandmas curtains? Don’t say a word… especially if there is a chain or a crop nearby that she’s planning on buying. $500 field boots?…Pocket change. $200 pants with the title Tailored Sportmans on them? Your girls fav. A bucket and couple brushes come to over a $100? Smile and nod son. It’s expensive but necessary. Your job at the tack shop is to tell your girl her butt looks great in every pair of breeches she wears, zip up the military grade tall boots with nothing but your dainty bare hands, and be prepared to carry everything considering they don’t have carts.
And there you have it. 7 helpful tips to assist in adjusting to the equestrian lifestyle. Now get out there and make em’ proud, Ponyboy.
Original article posted by:TheLegendofTheo
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