Some people ride horses, some like to fish, some like to travel, some like to collect pet rocks, and some people enjoy not doing their homework before opening their yapper. To a sport enthusiast, it is understandable that most people are not as knowledgeable in your particular sport or genre as you are, and we completely understand. However, you must at least have minimal common knowledge of their sport or genre if you want to start throwing comments or asking questions.
If you asked Michael Jordan how many touchdowns he has scored in his career, he will probably sarcastically answer you, get offended, or just assume that you must’ve stolen your grandmother’s medication again. Either way, it doesn’t come off as a good look, and chances are that is about as far as you will get in that conversation.
In the wide world of horses, we face a barrage of hilarious, ridiculous, and borderline insulting comments and questions on a regular basis. Please do some research first. K? Thnx.
1. You ride horses? I love cowgirls!
Just because you’re a girl and you ride horses, doesn’t necessarily mean that you are a Western rider or you are spending your life trying to imitate a John Wayne movie. If the person you are talking to is not a Western rider, your chances of surviving the rest of that conversation has dropped drastically.
2. Why are your horses blindfolded?
The 1st 50 times I get this question:
Them – Why are all the horses blindfolded?
Me – To keep flies out of their eyes. It’s like a mesh. They can see through it.
Them – But it doesn’t look like it’s see-through.
Me – Here, let me take 1 off and give it to you. Can you see through it?
Them – Oh!
After the 50th time I get the same question:
Them – Why are all the horses blindfolded?
Me – These are expensive jumping horses. If we don’t blindfold them, they jump over the fence and get away!
Them – Oh, that’s smart.
3. A pony is a foal.
4. You ride? Racing is dangerous.
If you believe that racing is the only genre of equestrianism, you my friend are a lost puppy in the woods. You should use that great scent-detecting nose of yours to find your way back home before you get eaten alive!
5. You must be rich.
Contrary to popular belief, not all equestrians fly G4 jets, blow their noses in hundred dollar bills, buy Bentleys on their Amex Black Card, have servants constantly fanning and hand-feeding them grapes, are on a first name basis with royalty, and wear lavish coats made from the tears of defenseless baby seals. MOST equestrians are normal hard-working people with jobs, responsibilities, and a career. They just love riding horses. If you think you’re going to cash-out by making an equestrian friend, you might want to re-analyze your get-rich-quick scheme, because it’s not going to happen.
6. You must free-load off of your parents.
Horse sports are not cheap, and I’m sure most of the younger crowd has help from their parents. Don’t assume that these people will grow up to be free-loaders living lavishly with their daddy’s limitless credit card. I’m sure some will, but I’m sure most won’t. If their parent’s are rich, there is a good chance that they didn’t get rich from making bad decisions with their life. Besides, asking someone if they free-load off of their parents will almost guarantee you a swift smack in the head with a 12 lb Gucci purse.
7. Does your horse bite?
Yes. You are safe though, as long as you do not appear to the horse as a carrot, a bale of hay, or grass you should be fine. Statistically, most horse attacks occur in about 3 to 5 feet of water.
8. I’ve ridden a horse before!
I hate to be a negative nancy, but riding the plastic horse outside of walmart does not count. Neither does the trail ride that was included in your 5th grade summer camp. You are comparing apples to planets here.
9. Riding a horse isn’t hard, all you do is sit there.
If you are going to throw this one-liner at an equestrian, be sure to have premium health insurance first.
10. Horse riding isn’t a sport.
Horse riding is in fact a sport. It is also an Olympic sport. Out of all things you could ever say to an equestrian, this one will probably push them to complete edge and you may be in some serious danger. NEVER mention this in conversation, even if you “think” you have a valuable argument, because you are wrong. Taking my advice in this situation is a lot like owning a Neil Diamond CD: it might seem embarrassing, and you kind of wish that nobody knew about it, but it just might save your life.