So, you’re in the market for your next equestrian partner, your four- legged friend, your jumper extraordinaire? Well, you know the drill. Time to look through your phone to ask your trainer contacts, scroll through big eq and study the candidates like they were eligible bachelors, and put your feelers out on any social media outlet around. Now as you know, most of the best options are never even listed for sale, and come as a result of knowing the right people. But for the rest of us, sometimes the search can seem never ending. So many of the same catch phrases “Look no further” or “Your next big winner” it’s easy to get lost in the bold print and capital letters. More often than not ads are filled with fallacies or gross exaggerations. I learned at an older than I care to admit age not to believe everything you see. I decided to share with you many common horse ad descriptions and how to accurately translate them. Hope you enjoy! (Note- take these all with a grain of salt, they are meant to be in good fun)
“Eventing Prospect! HUGE scope!”
Translation: This horse is fresher than Florida orange juice, and will jump you out of the tack over every fence. Hold on for dear life.
“Inquire for Price- SERIOUS inquiries only”
Translation: You are literally too poor to even look at my ad.
“Quick learner, price won’t stay this way for long!”
Translation: This horse has three weeks under saddle. He hasn’t killed me yet but the odds may never be in my favor. I have too many horses, all of which are projects, and I desperately need money so please someone buy this horse.
“Not mare-ish at all!”
Translation: ….until she’s in season.
“TONS of miles!”
Translation: Daily maintenance includes Cosequin, Prevacox, ice boot therapy, semi- annual hock injections as well as monthly chiropractic appointments.
Translation: My horse has been on the market for too long and I need to sell him before I get my next one.
Translation: I owe my trainer three month’s board, please someone take him.
“Needs some ground manner work”
Translation: Come within three feet of my hind legs and I’ll leave my hoof print forever on your ribs. And I will also ruin your favorite shirt by ramming my head and mouth into you repeatedly.
I sincerely hope these help you in your hunt for the perfect pony. Share some of your favorites with me @classinthetack!
-jenna (&stearman, too!)